Hash Trash 1869

The Hash was hosted by Karaoke and Eveready at their place in Lotopa. As ever, it was a Pink Run, and fearful hashers arrived under the cloud of a threatened spanking by Karaoke for not complying with this stricture. Announcing that this would be an A to B run, Eveready extended that fearfulness. Lewinsky arrived with his cattle truck and we all mounted up. Now bear in mind that this had been a wet day, and we were grateful that the weather had held in Lotopa. Yet we descended into wet despair as Lewinsky drove us straight into the rainclouds. He took us past the sports grounds where it was drizzling, and all the way past the gaol to the Tafaigata dump, where it was indeed raining cats and dogs. The runners were let off here, while the walkers were taken back to more clement climes. So we trudged off on the road home, all knowing exactly where we were and how far we had to go. Finally back home, we drowned our thirst with Godfather’s cold moist nuts.

POD as GM called for the newbies of which there were none. The retreads were Slippery (away for 20 months, now in Tonga), Frances (been working while Slippery slipped off as home dad), Prince (skiing in Switzerland), Ring Ring (being lazy) and Speedhumper (been here but single).

Witch Doctor was appointed Shoe Inspector, and lasered in on Wahoo. Despite the Scribe’s assurance that she has drunk from them already, the honour went to Poumuli as she is preggers. Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (being on TV for the church service) and Captain Mortein (for spotting it, no doubt brushing up on his ecclesiastical edification).

This day in history awards went to The Margarets Gagging Diva and Screamer (1472 – Orkney and Shetland are pawned by Norway to Scotland in lieu of a dowry for Margaret of Denmark), Jessica as the nicest person in Hash (Random Acts of Kindness Day) and Il Capo (International Mother Language Day).

The GM turned to the festivities at Sinalei past Sunday, and noted some great and poor performances. She pulled out Gagging Diva, Frances and Lewinsky for the good, and Sassygirl BJ for her poledancing.

Turning to the run, there had been comments about parents letting their kids ride in Lewinsky’s salmonella truck, with one hasher being overly glad that it was his wife’s idea, so he couldn’t be blamed – this one went to Snatched.

Then it was Mr Whippy, exceptional in his pink running vest, last here then first back. There had also been complaints that the ride out had seen us stuck behind a septic truck, when a bit of gas could have seen us ahead at the outset. Since Lewinsky was having enough, the GM used a bit of Aussie slang, septic tank – yank – thus Bitt.

On the run we had gone past the gaol, but no one had suggested going to visit Bad Investment. Well we couldn’t have anyhow. Anyway this one went to Crime.

Turning to nominations, Il Capo had been in line to pay hash cash when she overheard Titty Galore re-checking a hash mere’s name as Gagging Vagina. Lewinsky then nominated Godfather for the great function on Sunday, a respectable one deserving a respectable down-down. Godfather thanked the Hash for its support.

Sassy wanted the owners of the dog-like animals that had attacked her upon arrival rewarded, but in targeting Eveready was informed that they belonged to Karaoke, who was dragged from the kitchen. Sassy also nominated the Hansen’s – namely Pirate Princess and Princess Tiger for winning consecutive draws at the prize at Sinalei – bribery and corruption.

Eveready told us that he had gone to his farm to pick some avocadoes, but had cut his finger. He had called Karaoke to check whether there were band-aids on hand, and she asked, had he cut the (w)hole finger – no the one next to it. Karaoke got the Censored Award.

Poumuli had been playing in the water with Yahoo at Sinalei, when a couple of Hash Meres had assigned him babysitting duties for their delightful sprogs. Yes indeed, and they had proceeded to attempt to drown him. Snatched challenged that  Poumuli was too weak to counter some four year old girls – but these are Samoan girls. Pirate Princess and Snatched took the Frankensprog Award, joined by weakling Poumuli.

This was Nom Nom’s last run at Apia Hash, so we need a new Hare-raiser. Godfather averred that he would do it but has no hair, so a respectable glass was given to Nom Nom. Prince joined for cheering on Daz. This was followed by the Hash Anthem and Goodbye My Feleni. Sassy then nominated Speedhumper for the most colourful motions during the Hash Anthem and Gagging Diva for a move that looked like an NFL touchdown move.

We saluted the Hosts and the Hare, Karaoke, Eveready and Lewinsky for the run, then those not wearing pink (they all got a spank) – Jessica, Prince, StrapOn.

A feast of pork awaited us, with some crackling that was beyond belief.

No host yet for next week so watch the blog and Facebook.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit