Wednesday, January 18, 2017
The Hash was hosted in Vaoala by Poumuli, Wahoo, Yahoo, Snatched and Toa, with Pussysnatcher as lead Hare. We had not announced this ahead of time so that we would have sufficient numbers for the run! When the trail had been scouted it had been a clear day, but after two days of downpour the plans were in jeopardy. But Pussysnatcher was so enthusiastic we went ahead and set the trail, which would be known as “Hold onto a tree for dear life”. The runners set out on the access road above the house and entered the deep forest. The Hares had cut back as much as possible, while leaving trees for handholds, but there was a lot of sliding, rockfalls and general hubbub as the pack descended towards the river. A false trail led up towards two minor waterfalls, then the pack continued down river and crossed twice before emerging through the bushes at the bottom of Bank Street. Most avoided the second false trail, but it is certainly also worth exploring for future trails. Some over-keen runners then went down towards SPREP and up again past Mynas, with the rest staggering in for some of Godfather’s cool refreshing nuts.
POD as our GM called the circle to order and invited the newbies to introduce themselves. These were Hetti from Sweden, Dean from New Orleans who came with Uncle Swinger, and Lola from Pago brought by Godfather and Titty Galore. Poumuli got an immediate Cunning Linguist Impersonator Award for greeting Hetti in loud Swedish.
The retreads were Do Me Twice (trying to wean her family off her), Chez (waiting for weaning), Nelson (in Oz), Swinger (in Oz), Spellcheck (migrated), Stewart (aliens), Pussysnatcher (NZ) and Crime (I couldn’t hear him so lets say Tafaigata).
Shoe inspector was not needed to be appointed as Nelson’s new boots were so glaring. Poumuli noted that this was a family with long Hash experiences, so how come Nelson didn’t know this rule, and was rewarded by Swinger joining Nelson.
Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (maid of honour) and Cockblocker (in paper with Moana).
This Day in History Awards went to Hetti from Sweden (1814 – Treaty of Kiel: Frederick VI of Denmark cedes Norway to Sweden in return for Pomerania), Lola from Pago (1900 – The United States Senate accepts the Anglo-German treaty of 1899 in which the United Kingdom renounces its claims to the Samoan islands), Cockblocker (1917 – The United States pays Denmark $25 million for the Virgin Islands), Witch Doctor (1938 – Norway claims Queen Maud Land in Antarctica), Lewinsky (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: Matt Drudge breaks the story of the Bill Clinton–Monica Lewinsky affair on his Drudge Report website), Gayboy (Feast of the Ass), Pussysnatcher (Feast Day of St Paul the Hermit) and StrapOn (International Fetish Day).
The GM had some doozy awards, starting with StrapOn for dobbing himself in via Facebook for the Tooth Fairy Fail Award, made respectful for trying to explain to child that the Tooth Fairy’s GPS wasn’t working.
Turning to Godfather, who had been presented with some fish by Titty G, and presuming them dead he proceeded to clean them when lo and behold one swam away – a Lazarus Fish Award for Godfather. Then there was a congratulatory award for Gayboy for coming 4th in the Army of Two competition.
Turning to the run, there had been complaints of excessive environmental destruction and deforestation on the part of some runners. While directed at Sassygirl BJ and Godfather, it became clear that all the runners had in some part contributed.
Thus the GM turned to Slim Shady for her posting of her eyebrow extensions, er, eyelash extensions, and for her sexy new outfit.
Opening up for nominations, Gagging Diva had asked Nom Nom why he was turning down the offer of a beer. He had a fever. What kind of fever? Beaver fever! Sassy then nominated CB for the Unhygiene Award for washing his underarms in the pool and blocking the pump. Sassy also nominated Poumuli for the selective deck washing with the water blaster.
Clark accused Pussysnatcher and Cockblocker for not taking the road less travelled, in that they had ended up below rather than above Mynas, and as the GM had said that those runners were hardcore, a Softcore Award went to PS and CB.
Sassy also nominated Black Pussy for not only running in jandals but for chariot riding with Malu and Crime. DMT nominated Chez for being a born and bred Hash Mere, as she had recounted a story from her youth whereby she would sit under the keg and grab the drips.
Poumuli had been asked to get a football shirt for Black Pussy and had located a Palestine soccer shirt in Morocco. However they refused to print Black Pussy on it, so he had to take it to the US for printing. After all that she is still not wearing it to Hash. Coz I am too fat! Both took this down down.
Slim Shady made the announcement regarding Leilani Jackson’s fundraiser for cancer in April and encouraged donations.
The Hares and Hosts were saluted, and a whole lot of goulash was consumed.
Poumuli, IKA Slit
Friday, January 13, 2017
The Hash will be hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo at their place in Vaoala.
For those familiar, it is Twin Peaks’ old house.
Don't go to Poumuli's old house!
Take Cross-Island Road up past Mynas, turn right on Bank Street, take the 2nd left turn – road is marked with a sign saying Atoa Avenue. The house is the last on the right at the top, before you get to the massive gate blocking the road.
For those who have run this area before, Poumuli will be setting a completely new run. Hosts will cater, so just bring your $20 hash cash, and a towel if you want to use the SWIMMING POOL after the run.
Run to start at 6pm sharp!
The Hash was hosted by Cunning Linguist and Malu at their new place in Vaivase. So this was in a way a Hash House Warming Party. We were certainly warm from the heat and from slapping mosquitoes. The run had courageously been set on flour, given the bursts of rain we had been seeing of recent. But the weather gods were on his side, so the only issue we had was his parsimoniousness. Anyway, it was out the gate and following the road up to the sports field, where a false trail leading up was discovered. So we continued right around the sports field, in a gentle sloping run. But what goes down must come up, or something like that. The walkers were able to soon turn, while the runners continued down towards Samoa College, and got a very steep hill to contend with on their way back to the house. A very good road run, but Cunning Linguist has promised that next time there will be more bush.
POD as GM called the circle to order, and found there were no newbies. Retreads were Poumuli and Wahoo (family reunion), Kiwi (lost his running shoes), Gagging Diva (in Oz with intravenous cider and cheese) and Clark (getting a matai title).
Poumuli had found no celebrities this week, but in a spot of confusion, Clark noted that the Manu coach had been in paper, and that he himself had been featured for his biography. Since this one had already been awarded to co-author Sunny Side Up, Clark was made to take the Self-Incrimination Award, with Nom Nom as whipping boy.
The Shoe Inspector was unnecessary as Clark’s new boots were so so shiny. He declined Nom Nom’s offer of drinking from Nom Nom’s shoes.
This Day in History Awards went to Cockblocker for Gayboy (1787 – William Herschel discovers Titania and Oberon, two moons of Uranus), Prue (1946 – The first General Assembly of the United Nations opens in London. Fifty-one nations are represented), Lewinsky (1999 – The Senate trial in the impeachment of U.S. President Bill Clinton begins), Lewinsky (2015 – A mass poisoning at a funeral in Mozambique involves beer that was deliberately contaminated with crocodile bile leaving at least 56 dead and nearly 200 hospitalized – for ordering Taula), Sassygirl BJ (Feast Day of Our Lady of Prompt Succor) and Poumuli (International Typing Day).
Turning to the GM’s awards, she asked the Hare if there was some new extreme form of taxation on flour? We had struggled mightily in places where the marks were so small and so far between. Cunning Linguist had no credible defence so took the award. Poumuli wanted this blatant copying of Scottish behaviour to be given to one of the Scots in the circle but was ignored.
The Tourism Awards had been held over the weekend and the GM noted that a Hygiene Award had been given. She thus felt compelled to issue an Unhygiene Award to Nom Nom for wringing out his dripping shirt in front of everyone, scorching the earth.
The Hosts had announced that this would be an Orange themed run, and most had complied, except a Colourblind Award was needed for StrapOn who wore entirely blue. This was followed by a congratulatory Matai Award for Leiamanuia Clark.
Cunning Linguist wanted to give a Confusion Award to Godfather for introducing a new beat to the Hash song last week. Godfather countered that since that circle had been a sit-down one, it was a one-off, and we were now back to regulations. Nevertheless, he used the new beat for the down down, a jazzy sort of off-beat.
Sassy nominated StrapOn for a good start to the Husband of the Year award for taking Mrs Strap out to lunch, and for his meeting with two distinguished Ministers the following day. However it was explained that the luncheon was arranged because Lewinsky had got him into trouble over stepping out for some drinks. When the GM heard all this she awarded both StrapOn and Lewinsky the down down, as Lewinsky had told her he was at Cockblocker’s house.
StrapOn then nominated Nom Nom and Prue for New Year’s celebrities, having celebrated it twice this year over in Pago, as well as Gagging Diva for getting upset that they didn’t bring back gallons of liquid cheese.
We then had a Birthday Award for Yahoo (taken by Wahoo), POD and Kiwi. This was followed by a Multiple Entry Award from Sassy to Pirate Princes for being impressive on the run, CB for being sick all week yet coming for the run, and Nom Nom for being first and fast up the last hill.
While awaiting the circle Poumuli had noticed that it appeared that StrapOn had caused a minor landslide by the fence from sitting there, which Lewinsky attributed to StrapOn’s testicular fortitude and the presence of crabs. Lewinsky got the Extensive Knowledge of Crabs Award, joined by Cunning Linguist as it was his dog who had actually caused the landslide.
Finally StrapOn nominated Cunning Linguist and Malu for being forbidden to sleep close to the children at a fale due to the, er, noise levels. We then saluted the Hosts and Hare, before eating a great housewarming meal.
Next week will be hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo in Vaoala.
Poumuli, IKA Slit
Monday, January 09, 2017
Apologies for not posting on the blog but have been busy with family reunion.
Apologies for not posting on the blog but have been busy with family reunion.
Cunning Linguist and Malu are hosting at their NEW ADDRESS on Vaivase Uta Road, just before you get to the sports field "Tanoa le i'a"; it's at the end of the next drive up from where Black Swan and Firstcummer lived least year. Look for an orange cloth hanging from the rubbish stand by the road, at the beginning of a longish muddy driveway. Suppliers excepted, please leave your car at the main road. Start 6 pm sharp. Theme "orange" once again, even it if it's not a Thursday!
Don't forget your hash cash!
Map attached for the directionally challenged - as if that would help! - OnOn!
Poumuli, IKA Slit