Hash Trash 1831

The Hash was hosted by ProBoner, POD, Lewinsky and the Happy girls at Taumeasina. We set off out the gate and ran down towards the new hotel entrance. Past the sportsfield we came to the small creek. A few intrepid runners crossed the water, while Godfather negotiated with the owner of the small house to use the bridge, which was successful. It was then unclear whether the route went towards the wharf or straight up to the UN office at 4 corners, but the majority chose the latter. After some further confusion the trail then took us down to Apia Park and past Crime’s place (Crime Scene?). Up into the village behind Apia Park we knew there was a short cut back to Beach Road, but were dissuaded by a local lady because of the saa. So up we ran towards NUS, but here there was a legitimate shortcut over towards Fagalii, which we all took except Pussysnatcher. Then it was on home past the corner church and the rugby field. By now it was getting pretty dark, so this should be kept in mind when setting such long runs. Godfather’s nuts were tastier than usual.

Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM as POD was cooking. First there was a small ceremony to dress Firstcummer in a green lava lava and adorning her hair with a toilet paper tiara. Pusiapa had sought out some questions from her fiancée, and checked how well Firstcummer knows her betrothed – she got zero out of five, so a down down was awarded.

There were none new to Hash, and the retreads were Do Me Twice, Slim Shady, Nutcracker, Hornithologist and Poumuli. Shoe Inspector Il Capo found Vicki’s new shoes, which she ably drank from.

The GM then asked Titty Galore for the run number – she had been told it was 1829 but it is actually 1831. It was actually Slim Shady though who had read the numbers wrong so they shared the award.

Before the run, Crime had gone out to help carry the nuts over, but was told by Godfather that a Hash Mere had been asked for help, which she did, but was also exposed to Godfather’s costume change. The GM decided that this was a Indecent Exposure Award for Godfather.

Then on the run, one Hasher had taken the wrong turn and took all the walking Hash Meres with him. Chick Hogging Award to Shitbags. Just then a newcomer Bruce arrived. He’s a friend of Lewinsky’s parents, and took a rapid down down.

Also on the run there was some grumbling about the enforced swim, but since a little patience would have avoided it, and then bitching about it afterwards was not to the GM’s approbation. This went to Hot Nuts. It was Firstcummer’s last run for a while, and she had forgotten her running shoes, thus a further down down.

Celebrity Awards went to Godfather (STA photo in the paper), Pussysnatcher (quoted in the paper about snakes) and Poumuli (spurious connection to recent climate change meetings).

This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (363 – The Roman emperor Julian defeats the Sasanian army in the Battle of Ctesiphon, under the walls of the Sasanian capital, but is unable to take the city. And for 451 – Battle of Avarayr between Armenian rebels and the Sasanian Empire takes place. The Empire defeats the Armenians militarily but guarantees them freedom to openly practice Christianity), Prince (1120 – Richard III of Capua is anointed as Prince two weeks before his untimely death), Cunning Linguist (1932 – In the Netherlands, construction of the Afsluitdijk is completed and the Zuiderzee bay is converted to the freshwater Ijsselmeer), Witch Doctor (1940 – World War II: Norwegian, French, Polish and British forces recapture Narvik in Norway. This is the first allied infantry victory of the War), Do Me Twice (1967 – Australians vote in favor of a constitutional referendum granting the Australian government the power to make laws to benefit Indigenous Australians and to count them in the national census), Lewinsky (1997 – The U.S. Supreme Court rules that Paula Jones can pursue her sexual harassment lawsuit against President Bill Clinton while he is in office), ProBoner (Feast Day of St Bona of Pisa), Poumuli (International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers) and Crime (Samoa Independence Day).

This led Hot Nuts to exclaim that this was the most thorough History awards ever, giving Poumuli yet another.

Opening up for nominations, Slim Shady had been disturbed by a performance of a new Hash song and dance by Poumuli. This he had picked up in Germany, and he was thus forced to perform the Chicken Action Dance. Deeming it highly un-disturbing, the GM gave both a down down.

Slim Shady then nominated Hot Nuts for the Prodigious Procreator Award for his vast success in planting pumpkins, which Hot Nuts commented was as a result of sowing your seeds far and wide. Pusiapa added that after the last Hash, Hot Nuts had run through four red lights.

Loose Lips had asked Lewinsky where the shower was so that she could freshen up after the run. He typically directed her to the outside shower, and asked her to tell him when so he could fetch the rest of the Hashers. Godfather was suitably proud of Lewinsky.

Il Capo had received a visit from Pussysnatcher who went to the beach with Angry Bird, which resulted in a locked gate debacle. Firstcummer then gave an oratorical performance to mimic Hot Nuts, the upshot of which was that he was peeved that no one flirts with him, and that he never flirts with intent. This went to both of them joined by Nutcracker.

The GM then organised a Boat Race, with Do Me Twice, Witch Doctor and Screamer on one side, and Phil, Crime and Bruce on the other, and then claimed that the male victory was really a draw. 

After Firstcummer thanked the Hash for being her favourite community in Samoa, the Hosts and the Hare (Crime) were saluted. We also sang the Hash Anthem for Firstcummer.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit