The Hash was hosted by Sassygirl BJ and Kiwi at the Sassanid
Empire in Letogo. We were of course forewarned that this was a Kiwi-set run,
and he takes great pleasure in paying back the many down-downs he receives by
conjuring up diabolically complex runs of indeterminable duration. In this case
we were informed that it would “likely” be an A to B run – meaning that we
would be picked up at the end, but we had no bloody clue where that end would
be. But eh, it will all be alright in the end; if it’s not alright, then it’s
not the end.
So we set off out the challenging vertical driveway to the
left and turned up a new access road. We have run here before, so several
hashers stupidly took the most obvious trail up the hill behind Sassy’s, that
eventually became a false one. Back on the access road and also uphill it was a
struggle to concentrate on the paper, which alas led to another false trail.
Backtracking several leagues we found the trail leading down into the bush.
This was quite a challenge on the feet, with slippery stuff everywhere. We
crossed a treacherous creek, made more so by Hot Nuts dashing back – shoving
Poumuli out of the way – to gallantly safeguard POD across the rocks. Then it
was upwards to the access road again, with another false trail, until we
finally hit tarmac and found ourselves at the Vailele church. Wild spread panic
was setting in amongst many, who had observed that Kiwi had a flat tire on his
truck, so how the f would he be able to pick us up, and this was bloody far
already. But that was not enough. Another false trail, then we tracked down
across the ford below Fagalii golf course. Crime decided to have a bath there,
forgetting that it is an offense to pollute the waterways in Samoa.
There is a
steep winding hill after that which was bravely conquered, and we followed the
trail into the Fagalii Golf Club, where, praises to Jah, Kiwi and truck were
waiting. The numbers did not quite add up when we boarded, and a few brave
meres decided to run back after all. Or on the other hand, face certain death.
Those of us who did ride back did so in teeth shattering fear, and we were
still sweating profusely. When Kiwi eventually pulled up to Sassy’s, the
accumulated sweat and drippings on the truck bed rushed with gravity straight
onto those sitting on the back edge, Your Scribe included. There was much
washing of hands before Godfather’s cold nuts were put to mouth.
POD as our GM opened the rather large circle, gradually being
encased by flying insects attracted by a) the lights and b) the rancid sweat
stench, and called the newbies into the circle. These were Dr David and Lisa,
med students brought by Nom Nom, and Neta brought by Poolboy and Queen Beeatch.
The retreads were Speedhumper, Mr Whippy, Curly and AC/DC. Sunny Side Up was
appointed Shoe Inspector, but failed.
Celebrity Awards went to Queen Beeatch (her brave story in
the paper about battling cancer), Hot Nuts for Snake (story of woman bitten by
snake), David (quoted about running in the paper), Dr David (student performing
illegal circumcisions) and Cunning Linguist (story about linguisism and
translating Waigani).
This Day in History Awards went to Kiwi, Bacon&Eggs and
Curly (1840 – Signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, establishing New Zealand as a
British colony), Poumuli (1920 – Under the terms of the Svalbard Treaty,
international diplomacy recognizes Norwegian sovereignty over Arctic
archipelago Svalbard, and designates it as demilitarized) and Lewinsky (1962 –
The United States bans all Cuban imports and exports).
The GM added that it was now Chinese New Year, and Year of
the Monkey, which meant that those born in the last Monkey year were called in –
Lewinsky, Speedhumper and StrapOn. After some comments about lucky monkeys and
flaming ones, Eveready opined that in the US there is a breed called the Red
Butt Monkey, which earned him an instant entry to the down-down.
Turning to the run, the GM noted that it had been a
particularly dangerous run for buttocks, as Crazy German had been bit on his by
a dog. Similarly Hot Nuts had been doing a Superman stretch after the run which
so impressed Cupless that she felt compelled to squeeze his. They were joined
by Il Capo for her impressive stretching as well.
Of course the Super Bowl had just finished with the Broncos
defeating the Panthers, so those wearing orange were called in – Ring Ring and
Neta. Poumuli intervened, noting that Broncos were a type of horse, and
reminded the circle of the somewhat equine visage of Monica Lewinsky, called
for Lewinsky to be added to this one. Bam. Mr Whippy sheepishly admitted that
his son’s middle name was Peyton. In you go!
Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated Hot Nuts for
the Immense Loyalty to the GM Award, for shoving him out of the way to assist
POD over the, er, treacherous river. Instead this went to the GM for inspiring
such immense loyalty.
Sassy nominated Jessica for thinking she was driving a 4WD,
and mounted a rock. Speedhumper nominated Lewinsky for the Hubby Go Gently On
You Award.
Sassy also nominated Swinger for the Best Nurse Award for
flying to Fiji at great expense to be with BB. Curly nominated Mr Whippy for
the Hero Award, for making sure the pack stayed together on the run.
Crazy German had been generous and had given away Hash
shirts from some of the numerous ones he has attended to Swinger and Lewinsky,
yet only Lewinsky was wearing his. Both.
The GM pointed out that the FRBs had all been Meres this
run, Press Stud and Samantha, but they were joined by Nom Nom. For Samantha
this was her last Hash, and she wanted all the Hashers to sign her Samoan flag.
She will be running the Cross Island Road on Sunday, from a 6 AM start at the
John Williams Memorial and arrival at Sinalei around 9 AM, and called for
Hashers to join her for a run in sections, followed by, at Godfather’s
invitation, a beach party at Sinalei.
Next week’s run will be hosted by Eveready and Cougar in
Lotopa.
Kiwi and Sassy were saluted and then we feasted on some good
Samoan food.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
