The Hash was hosted by Nom Nom and Peeping Clam at the
Yellow Collective in Motootua. A nice day for a run set on flour, and we had
been spared the rain splattering it everywhere. It was on out the gate and down
to the Beach Road, then a circle around the Leone Bridge construction, with a
straight back run via the Hospital Road. Godfather had again provided us access
to his sweet cool nuts, but they seem to be getting smaller by the day.
POD was our GM as usual, and called the newbies forward, and
they were legion: Genora (SPREP intern), Gareth (WIBDI), Heather, Ziyun (SPREP
intern), Gavin (Scot med student), James (med student), Bridget (CI), Tibo
(France) and Malia (Samoa). Down downs were given Crown of Thorns and
Cockblocker for forgotten names.
The retreads were Do Me Twice (following dreams), Poumuli
(climate changing), Crown of Thorns (stuck in Waiheke), Nom Nom (embezzling
Nepal) and Cockblocker (busy not working). Screamer was appointed Shoe
Inspector, and made a valiant attempt but failed. She was joined by Tibo for
smoking in the circle.
Celebrity Awards went to Strap On for numerous photos in the
paper, and Lewinsky for the similarities to Trump’s current ails.
This Day in History Awards went to POD (491 – Empress Ariane
marries Anastasius I. The widowed Augusta is able to choose her successor for
the Byzantine throne, after Zeno (late emperor) dies of dysentery), James the
med (844 – Battle of Clavijo: The Apostle Saint James the Greater is said to
have miraculously appeared to a force of outnumbered Asturians and aided them
against the forces of the Emir of Cordoba), Cunning Linguist (1568 – Dutch
rebels led by Louis of Nassau, defeat Jean de Ligne, Duke of Arenberg, and his
loyalist troops in the Battle of Heiligerlee, opening the Eighty Years' War),
Nom Nom (1840 – The transportation of British convicts to the New South Wales
colony is abolished), Slim Shady (1936 – Sada Abe is arrested after wandering
the streets of Tokyo for days with her dead lover's severed genitals in her
handbag. Her story soon becomes one of Japan's most notorious scandals), Do Me
Twice (1953 – Jackie Cochran becomes the first woman to break the sound barrier),
Il Capo (1992 – Italy's most prominent anti-mafia judge Giovanni Falcone, his
wife and three body guards are killed by the Corleonesi clan with a half-ton
bomb near Capaci, Sicily. His friend and colleague Paolo Borsellino will be
assassinated less than two months later, making 1992 a turning point in the
history of Italian Mafia prosecutions), Lewinsky (1998 – A U.S. federal judge
rules that U.S. Secret Service agents can be compelled to testify before a
grand jury concerning the Lewinsky scandal involving President Bill Clinton)
and Crown of Thorns (International Day for Biological Diversity).
Turning to celebrations, Poumuli had his on a plane, and was
joined by Cunning Linguist and Snip & Tuck for their recent engagement
(please not another Hash Wedding like Ali Bin Shaggin!)
Location - Go on the road to Mailelani Soap Factory/Le Petite Cafe, the house will be the second on your right with the white deck in the front.
Theme: Sa Moana Folau. Protecting the Mountains to the Oceans. So dress up as a character representing the Forests or the Ocean. If can combine both you will get a prize! Those not in costume will need to sing a song from Moana the cartoon.
Hash Run 1876 is
kindly hosted by Lewinsky and POD at Tameasina. You go towards Tameasina Island
Resort and straight after you take the turn from the Main East Costal Road, you
take a right at the 1st right fork in the road, and then the 1st left.
Bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala, and some swimmies if you want to have a dip after the run.
The Hash was hosted by Screamer and Gagging Diva inside the
Keil compound in Motootua. We were back to normal time, so it was a relatively
cool afternoon. The run went out the gate and up Cross Island Road, then
turning right onwards past the hospital. Almost at the bottom, we realised we
had no trail, and cut back up to find the trail cutting back to the Cross
Island Road. The trail then headed over towards NUS, and cut back to the broken
bridge – then it was on home up the Cross Island Road.
POD was our GM as usual, and she called for those new to
Hash to step forward. These were Luca (but friends of Crown of Thorns) and
Eric, brought by Cockblocker. Alex came
to Hash because he lives there, while Sam and Morgan had been brought by Prue.
Peeping Clam and CB took one each.
The retreads were Slim Shady (drinking rum), Ring Ring
(busy), Snip & Tuck (snipping and tucking).
This Day in History Awards went to Slim Shady (1917 – The
United States takes possession of the Danish West Indies after paying $25
million to Denmark, and renames the territory the United States Virgin Islands),
CB (1947 – The only mutiny in the history of the Royal New Zealand Navy begins),
Alex (1981 – U.S. President Ronald Reagan is shot outside a Washington, D.C.,
hotel by John Hinckley, Jr.; three others are wounded in the same incident), Lewinsky
(2002 – Monica Lewinsky, no longer bound by the terms of her immunity agreement,
appeared in the HBO special, "Monica in Black and White", part of the
America Undercover series. In it she answered a studio audience's questions
about her life and the Clinton affair) and Lewinsky (2004 – Google announces
Gmail to the public).
Celebrity Awards went to Il Capo (present at the Vavu wreck
scene), Peeing Clam for Sassygirl BJ (twice in the paper), Poumuli (Ele
fundraising) and Godfather (story about Poutasi).
Shoe Inspector Screamer at first was told to look at Snip
& Tuck but this was a false accusation as verified by Screamer, so Ring
Ring took the down down. Turning to the GM’s nominations Slim Shady was
anonymously nominated for sharing the chips with her breasts. A discombobulated
Godfather asked “what was wrong with that?” Gagging Diva was nominated for
seeing phantom dogs and ninja bombs. Morgan was asked if she was half in the
circle, as she had been doing a yoga pose the whole time – she did the Yoga
Award doing the same pose.
Il Capo nominated the GM, for usually being in front and
talking a lot of bla bla. Poumuli noted that it was the Year of the Rooster,
which CB had on his t-shirt and is the birth year of Alex as well, so a
Cockfight Award was given to both of them.
Slim Shady nominated Poumuli for the Shitty Recommendation
Award for advising her to bring rice and beans to Cuba, where they instead
ogled her phone and other accoutrements. Poumuli nominated StrapOn for making
fun of his needing a strap on, but both got this one, erm, Lewinsky was
whipping boy for StrapOn.
Peeping Clam nominated Poumuli for not picking out Gagging
Diva in the Celebrity Awards, nor Cunning Linguist for the many Tokelau
stories, and Snatched was added in as a Media rep, which Alex took.
Next week’s run is at Taumeasina for Lewinsky’s birthday.
Easter Hash will be somewhere on the South Side care of Godfather and Titty
Godfather also recounted the story of Kamaka – the legendary
ukulele maker from Hawaii, who was a leper, which is where Godfather got his
ukulele from. He is now opening a ukulele factory in Poutasi, using all local
materials except the strings (er, wait, what about cat gut?).
The Hares and Hosts were saluted before we had the first
ever all vegetarian Hash meal.
Monday's run will be hosted by Screamer and Gagging Diva off Cross Island Road in Motootua. Directly opposite Scallini restaurant, and if coming from town just before Insel Fehmarn Hotel. There are two
entrances. If you take the first one, head down the driveway and turn right
when it splits into three. Park in front of the house in the back corner
(Gagging Diva's house). You can also take the second entrance which will bring
you to Screamer's house and there is a bit of parking there too. Hash will be
held on the tennis court in the middle of the compound. Map attached.
NOTE: Food will be vegetarian
We will be back to normal time so run will start at 17.30 or 5.30 PM. Bring your 20 tala Hash Cash and enjoy a new venue for our runs.
The Hash was again hosted at Nafanua restaurant by Witch
Doctor and Black Pussy. POD was the de facto live hare and took us on a run out
back up to Leififi, across towards the UN and then back home through Vaiala.
POD was GM, and new to Hash were Tui from NZ and Tavita
(trying to keep up with the ladies, and then advertising – down down). Retreads
were Tua (his dad was an original Hasher – Dr Blunt – brought by someone called
Joe), Jess (watching cows in NZ), Phil (fishing) and of course Godfather joined
for breach of Hash Rules.
Godfather then recounted the fundraiser he and Dr Blunt had
done in the late 70’s running past the soon-to-be-burned to the ground Tivoli
Theatre, and raising some $3000 for a sick child’s medevac by running the
entire island in one day.
Screamer was appointed Shoe Inspector who found Tua’s
spanking new ones. His disbelief lasted until Gayboy filled his shoe, but he
Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady in whose absence Peeping
Clam and latecummer Gayboy partook instead. (The press clipping described the
Shape of Mele’s Quilt – which made the GM gag).
This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (845 – Paris is
sacked by Viking raiders, probably under Ragnar Lodbrok, who collects a huge
ransom in exchange for leaving), Crime (Feast Day of St Dismas the Good Thief),
Screamer (Feast Day of St Margaret Clitherow) and Peeping Clam (International
Day of Solidarity with Detained and Missing UN Staff Members).
Turning to the GM Awards, Il Capo has again had the tendency
to run so hard that she gets the shivers and shakes, so a Stress Award. Keeping
on the subject, Il Capo had been talking about her students, and mentioned that
one named Tavita was her stupidest student. Thus for all Tavitas everywhere Tavita
got the Stupid Award.
Driving from home, the GM had passed the UN building and saw
googly eyed Jess run towards Phil, and promptly fell over – Arse over Tit
Award. And also at the UN building, while she and Peeping Clam were going to go
the long way, Tua decided on the shorter route. While Tua was peeing, Tui
helpfully demonstrated how to make him go the long way – by setting off! Tui
got the Well Done Award.
Il Capo nominated Nelson for the Criminal Award as she had
to call him four times to get his Hash Cash. She also nominated Lewinsky for
wearing a sexy skin tight black shirt – Lewinsky joined her in the Helen Keller
Tua then nominated POD, as he had managed to get her number
after 5 minutes of making her acquaintance. Gayboy nominated Lewinsky for being
too cheap to have ready phone credit. Wahoo hadn’t had a down down so Poumuli had to take this.
Hosts and hare were saluted, then we had lots of pizza.
Next week will be hosted by Screamer and Gagging Diva in
Motootua, and we will be back to 5.30
The Hash was hosted at Nafanua restaurant by Witch Doctor
and Black Pussy. Cockblocker was chosen as the live hare and took us on a yomp
along the sea wall to Mulinuu and back. Nuff said, it was hot.
POD was GM, and there were no newbies. Retreads were
Sassygirl BJ (off to look for rich men), Lambada and Pavarotti (here ten years
ago, back for a break), and Cunning (trying to sort out the son and the man).
Shoe inspection failed.
This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (1963: Alcatraz
closes), Poumuli (1978: First UNIFIL deployment in Lebanon), POD (International
Day of Happiness), Cunning Linguist (1602: Dutch East India Company
established), Godfather (1727: Isaac Newton dies), and Lewinsky (St Patrick’s
Day – he drove the snakes out of Ireland).
Celebrity Awards went
to Crime (Sheraton paddle race), Il Capo and Peeping Clam (Mt Vaea run).
Turning to the GM Awards, Lewinsky had gotten home late, and
no one was ready to go to Hash, when his daughter said “don’t rush me, genius
takes time”. Then a Party Pooper Award with Ireland raining on England’s rugby
parade – Gagging Diva.
Birthday Awards went to CB and Swinger, the latter accepted
by Cunning Linguist. Finally, it was a sad day for the music world, with the
death of Chuck Berry. Godfather was asked to play one of his tunes. Poumuli
helpfully pointed out the details of the scandal that Berry had been involved
in, taking pictures with a spy cam of ladies urinating, surely Peeping Clam.
They both took the award to the sounds of Johnny B Goode.
Opening up for nominations, and Sassy was rearing to go. She
nominated Mr Whippy for Dedication to Hash – he had come late because he had
run from home, then gone on the run trailing the Hashers. Il Capo nominated
Pavarotti and Lambada for having been away too long and forgetting about the
leaning rule. Witch Doctor was added in for having a faulty tree that needed
Pavarotti will be leaving again soon, but he demonstrated
the origin of his Hash name with a belting rendition of O Sole Mio. Poumuli
nominated Sassy for eating her way through New Zealand, as per her Facebook
Poumuli tried to nominate Lewinsky, then had to justify this
with a rationale, it being that Lewinsky had ably defused the kerfuffle between
the Hash sprogs and the local boys. Both got it. StrapOn upped the ante by
reflecting on his Savaii trip where he
had seen the one lorry on the island, dangerously overloaded and unsafe.
Proprietor – one Lewinsky.
Nelson got a down down for the hell of it, before the hosts
and hare were saluted.
We ate a lot of Nafanua meat in gravy with potatoes.
The Hash was hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Yahoo at their
place in Vaoala. It was a sunny and hot day, so the run had been set mostly in
the bush. The trail started out behind the house, with a false trail leading up
the hill. The trail then went down a similar path to a previous run but it was
drier so less slippery. That was until Poumuli’s dog Murdoch decided to follow the
pack and throw his 50 kg frame around, causing small avalanches. The trail went
across the river and up to the top of the cattle yards, then followed the ridge
back down to the corner of Bank Street. A gentle road run down the hill, until
the turn and the ford crossing. The trail followed the stream upwards at this
point, with several instances where the trail was the stream. Over a small
bridge and into an abandoned household we took the dirt road up to Bank Street
and on home.
POD was our GM, and called forth the newbies, Erik (brought
by Mr Whippy) and Tom (med student from Wales). The retreads were Snip &
Tuck, Cunning Linguist, Bubbsy and Mertin.
Shoe Inspector Il Capo zeroed in on Cunning Linguist’s new
shiny ones, and he had some tasty river water with the beer.
This Day in History Awards went to Nelson (363 – Roman
Emperor Julian moves from Antioch with an army of 90,000 to attack the Sasanian
Empire, in a campaign which would bring about his own death), Peeping Clam (1941
– World War II: The United Kingdom launches Operation Claymore on the Lofoten Islands;
the first large scale British Commando raid), Screamer (1986 – The Australia
Act 1986 commences, causing Australia to become fully independent from the
United Kingdom), Gagging Diva (2005 – Margaret Wilson is elected as Speaker of
the New Zealand House of Representatives, beginning a period lasting until
August 23, 2006 where all the highest political offices (including Elizabeth II
as Head of State), were occupied by women, making New Zealand the first country
for this to occur) and Witch Doctor (World Wildlife Day).
Celebrity Awards went to Pussysnatcher (Snatched in the
paper) and Il Capo (also in paper). Speaking of new shoes cleaned by river
water, the GM called forth StrapOn to show off the barbed wire stuck in his
shoe. Cunning Linguist attempted to defray this as a false accusation but
On the run, Crime had been swinging from the lianas as the
Apeman himself, only to fall arse over tit as it ripped. An Almost Tarzan Award
from Cunning Linguist. Sassygirl BJ was absent, but while Marco Polo was in
hospital she had visited and also entertained the kids there with some pole
dancing! Pirate Princess and other close supporter Il Capo received this one.
Godfather commented that he had been asking at what age should breast feeding
stop – NEVER!
The GM congratulated Witch Doctor for hosting the Norwegian
Deputy Foreign Minister, and asked if meatballs was on the menu. Turning back
to the run, the hares were nominated for attempted murder on Godfather and the
near crippling of StrapOn. This was narrowed down to the dog owner, so bastard
Lewinsky gave him a respectable one.
Witch Doctor nominated Lewinsky for not helping POD down the
hill, merely cooing “slide down, wifey”. She also added Gagging Diva who always
helps POD and Mertin for not helping at all. Cunning Linguist was then asked to
explain what he had been telling the kids, something about “I have big thumbs
that go in small holes”.
Il Capo nominated Godfather for offering to wash her bum,
and Black Pussy for suggesting she should get a name change to Black Bummy.
Godfather was ok with the nomination, but noted that all the Meres had forgot
rule number 7 on health and safety, that the most effective cure for bruised
ribs was a blowjob. No one had administered this as he lay gasping after his
fall which had been caused by Il Capo’s derriere. This caused way too much
laughter, so Il Capo and Black Pussy took the award.
Nelson, astounded of this behaviour in a Welshman, nominated
Tom for sitting on his glass, and Peeping Clam for bad training. StrapOn
nominated Hash businessman Lewinsky for being in business with no email
address. This was doubled as wifey had just signed him up on Viber. StrapOn
then expressed his admiration and respect for Lewinsky, and while discussing
the subject had heard Peeping Clam opine that no one enjoyed Hash unless you
disrespected Lewinsky. Poumuli tried to add in Lewinsky but failed.
Gagging Diva attempted a nomination for Bubbsy but failed to
get either real or Hash name right. Nelson nominated Lewinsky for helping out
with the parking, while Wahoo’s birthday down down was taken by Poumuli.
StrapOn nominated Mr Whippy for coming late yet finishing
the run, Captain Mortein for shortcutting and Wahoo’s dad Norman for
The hares and hosts, Pussysnatcher, Poumuli and Wahoo were
saluted, amidst murmurs that Pussysnatcher should be certified as a weapon of
run destruction. We then feasted on all sorts of curry and homemade roti.
Monday's Hash will be hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Yahoo at their place in Vaoala. Take Cross Island Road past Mynas, then take a right on Bank Street. Follow Bank Street until it dips down sharply, and take the left onto Atoa Avenue - there is a sign up on the light pole. The house is the last on the right at the top before the great gates.
The hosts will cater, so bring your 20 tala Hash Cash for the keg, and swimwear if you want to take a dip in the pool after the run. Run starts at 1800 hours or 6 PM.
The Hash was hosted by Witch Doctor and Black Pussy at
Nafanua Steakhouse. Crime had been bribed into setting the run. It was a rather
hot day in town, but as the trail turned into the back roads, most of us were
melting freely. We ran through the fire station parking lot and they were
helpfully testing their water cannon as well as washing down a parked
fire-truck. Several hashers got the French riot treatment. We turned right on
the first back road, then left again at Pinatis. On we slogged in the wet and
humid and sweaty and dripping heat, passing the original Sunrise Restaurant,
purveyors of fine sweet and sour cat, then another right and left again on the
clocktower road up to the airport road. From thence we shall judge the quicken
and sweaty, as the trail then led up to Rokos, and off over to the Cross Island
Road. The human hashers ran straight back from there, while the super-wenches
ran over to the UN and then back along Beach Road. Oh lord those nuts tasted
Nelson was dobbed in as GM to a sitting circle. There were
no newbies, but the retreads were Slim Shady, Nelson and Black Pussy. Screamer
was appointed Shoe Inspector, and Godfather brought forth his new work shoes on
the off chance that he may need to use them for Hash. Screamer joined him for
her efficient persuasion in convincing Titty Galore for giving up the goods on
This day in History Awards went to Titty Galore (1692 –
Sarah Good, Sarah Osborne and Tituba are brought before local magistrates in
Salem Village, Massachusetts, beginning what would become known as the Salem
witch trials), Poumuli for Yahoo (1995 – Yahoo! is incorporated), Lewinsky (for
his godfather - 2003 – The International Criminal Court holds its inaugural
session in The Hague), Il Capo (2010 – Unknown criminals pour more than 2.5
million liters of diesel oil and other hydrocarbons into the river Lambro, in
northern Italy, sparking an environmental disaster), POD (Feast Day of St
Isabelle), Slim Shady (International Anosmia Awareness Day) and Witch Doctor (International
Polar Bear Day).
Celebrity Awards went to Godfather (photo in the paper with
FLO). Snatched had also been in the paper, but was not present, so since it was
for a code of ethics Crime took the award.
The GM opened for his awards, noting that we can all look
after our parents and for some reason straying into Brooklyn teenage girls
shopping, where apparently a shop called Screaming Mimis had been the
haberdasher of choice for Slim Shady.
The GM asked Witch Doctor to step forward to show off Black
Pussy’s shirt that she was wearing, noting that there was a white triangle
where the mimi should be. They both took this award as Poumuli explained the
reaction of the Moroccan print shop to his request for the embossment.
Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated Godfather for
the Safety Conscious Award for putting on the child safety locks while Titty
Galore was in the back seat. Frances stepped in and showed everyone the
programme for the Disability Forum, at which she had been told by Poumuli that
he would be a speaker. But he was not in the program, yet bullied his way onto
the panel and nearly made the moderator cry. In his defence he stated that he
thought the lady was deaf and not blind, hence his loud voice, which made it a
Speedhumper was then called forth by the GM for causing so
much distress in the Tauese area with her stretching mimi exercises. She then
Slim Shady had been concerned for the well being of Lewinsky
after the run, to the point of giving him cold compresses and sweet nothings,
and gave him the Don’t Die Before The Wife Returns Award.
He also had a Gorgeous Snobs Award (your Scribe had this
down as Knobs initially), which went to Titty Galore for only wanting the VIP
seats at the circus, and Slim Shady for refusing to frequent Sienna’s due to
the faeces on the toilet walls. She noted that she had already invited the
National Geographic Channel for a tour there.
POD gave a Commiseration Award to Peeping Clam, who was so
bored without Noms that she went for a run by herself on Sunday morning. Nelson
then tried to get a down down for Lewinsky for his performance at the Sinalei
Beach Bash, not knowing that this had been awarded last week, but nevertheless
POD scored one for not keeping Lewinsky stiff.
Crime had been our Hare, but was deeply unhappy about the
Taula that was on tap, as was your Scribe, so he was given a Grumpy Award which
went down at the usual speed. We thanked Nelson as our GM for the evening, and
saluted the hosts and hare. Mr Whippy got one for not getting one. We also sang
the Hash Anthem for Frances and Slippery who are going back to Tonga to wear
black for a year.
Witch Doctor then invited us for a feast of meatballs,
pasta, chicken, and schnitzel, as well as the multi-coloured sausages from
Next week will be hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo at
Apologies for the late post but tonight's Hash will be hosted by Witch Doctor at Nafanua Steakhouse on Beach Road. She will cater the event so just bring your 20 tala Hash Cash. Run starts at 6 PM or 1800 hours.